You may have my heart

Nine months ago this month Tom Ritz held me under a full moon and said "This isn't a normal friendship is it?". "No, and thank you for acknowledging that" I said with relief that the truth had finally been spoken!
A few days later I dropped Tom off along side of the road so he could start hitch kicking to Portland main. From Portland to Portland.

From that point on Tom and I have been growing in love and truth. We have been extremely good, intimate friends for years, so having that friendship before hand truly laid down a foundation we will always be standing on!

A few months into our relationship I got a small package in the mail. You see, Tom was taking some time staying in a cabin to re calibrate his head and heart after starting a very serious relationship, and back packing through America.

I opened the envelope, and in it found a beautiful wooden heart and a note. With his handwriting.

The note explained how, if I would allow it to; this heart was meant to symbolize mine.
He took much effort in shaping it, and working hard for it; as he carved it out of a pine tree he found in the forest.
It was mine to keep. Until he was ready one day to have my heart. To have all of me.
I have held onto that heart for 5 months.

Friday night he found himself in my room and slipped my heart into his pocket.

Saturday afternoon, as we were in the middle of a most ordinary walk we stopped and looked into the bakery window of Petite Provence. This french bakery is one of our favorite spots. It was over breakfast here, he told me he loved me for the first time. And here is where we spent our first Valentines together.
We stopped, held each other, and gazed in at the delicious goodies.

"Oh look, what does this cake say?" he asked
I gazed on in, and soon found that it read "Come fly with me Desiraé"
I looked at him in awe and told him how beautiful it was and hugged him tightly.

He then pulled my heart out of his pocket and began to recall what the heart represented.
After some while of him speaking beautiful words he told me he was fully ready to care for my heart now. He was asking for my heart. He was ready.

I just stared at him in shock.


He then got down on one knee and I screamed.
I wish I could remember his exactly words, but all I remember is:

"Christ Likeness"
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

"Desiraé, will you be my bride?"

"Yes, Yes, I will" I finally managed to whisper.

He pulled out a white jewelry box and I screamed again.
He opened it and I screamed louder.

Tom Ritz put the ring on my finger.... after we clownishly decided to take off my glitten to have it fit properly.


We kissed the most sincere, deep, passionate kiss.
And kissed some more, and continued on for some while.
"Lets go have some cake" he said.

We walked into the bakery and I saw my fathers face, my eyes glazed over as I realized the whole restaurant was full of our community. (minus some sweet on lookers)

I turned into Tom's chest and I bawled. Completely overwhelmed with the man he was. He knew what I needed.


~ I wanted it to be a surprise. He couldn't have surprised me more!
~ I desperately wanted him to have time to express why he was proposing. He did so most eloquently.
~ More than anything, I needed our community to share this moment with us.

He knows me so intimately, and I can't even express how thrilled I a for us to know each other better.

Also, I found out later that the cake was raspberry chocolate.
FAVORITE

Ah yes, when he turned to walk us inside I stopped him.
"Tom, here is my heart. I am intrusting this to you now".

Tight hugs to so many people as I was bawling lasted for some time.
Tom was elated.

As I was hugging my mother - the first one at the door, she whispered
"Tom h'as one more surprise for you."
"I dont think I can handle it!"
"Turn around Des"

There was Bethany Lomas. Flown out from CA for our engagement.
I haven't seen her since before she left for India for 4 months.
She is one of the best friends I will ever have!
I started bawling all over again!

Soo many people showed up for that day, and even later on that evening as Tom had planned a celebration dinner at Edgefield with everyone.

Later Tom, Stacie, Beth, Andy and I all retreated to Stacie's house and we drank champagne and gave individual toast's to the evening.

It was a moving day.
We are so blessed with the people in our lives!

He is ready for my heart, and I his.
I trust Tom Ritz to the utmost, and couldn't be more elated with spending my life with him.

He will be a wonderful partner.

We are getting married!

Refelct, Create, Beauty

I have decided to start blogging again. This decision has been made because I'm giving myself a goal to be alone a little bit more. I don't have to be in a room by myself necessarily, but I want to be present to myself and give myself a space to reflect, create and focus on beauty.
I have an awfully busy life. I don't mind really. I LOVE people. The moments I have actually been cognitive (not sleeping or doped up on cough medicine) and alone this week however has been really refreshing. I need to be alone more. Just 15 min here and there really. Not much. Perhaps I shall start getting ready for bed earlier so I have some time before I drift of into my funny dream land.

Blogging will hold me more accountable than journaling.

I do want to start giving myself time to be.
I had that in France. That's when I started to blog.
When I started The Treehouse I stopped blogging. Life got to busy.
Tonight I have decided to start once again.

Time to reflect, create and focus on beauty.

So, for blog one of this new year: I will share with you the newest addition to my furniture collection. It's currently sitting in my garage, waiting to be christened once I move into another house. Even though its in my garage out of site, it is not out of mind. It invades my thoughts constantly.
I can now start a record collection. The one I knew I should have started years ago.

It's a antique 'dresser' with built in speakers, a radio and a record player! If you look at the first photo you can see the lace on the bottom panel... behind it are speakers, with some wonderful volume!
Once you slide the top cover to the right you see a spot for a record collection. Slide the top to the left and in it you will find a FM AM radio, and a turn table.
Mr. Tom just has to learn how to install the needle and were hopping she works just as beautifully as the radio does!

Get this.... and she was only $45 at Village Merchants; one of my favorite consignment shops on my street!

Isn't she beautiful!?

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Mmm any name suggestions?

No Where Will My Sweet Lips Go

A year ago or more now Samantha May (http://www.beautyinherveins.blogspot.com/) and I created a challenge for ourselves. To take a phrase, and both create a poem.

You see, Sam says things that will enrich your soul. So after saying one night in a simple text "No where will my sweet lips go" I asked her to write a poem with that as the foundation, for this stunning phrase deserved more thought and energy than a mere text. She said I should instead. I wanted her to. We argued. It was finally decided for us both to write a poem which included the line.

I think we should do this again quite soon. It was a wonderful challenge.

She so lovingly reminded me of this a few weeks ago. Here's can be found on her site, and my version is here below.

Sam, you enrich my soul and I love you deeply.

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This tender secret should not remain

for affection is worthless;

if not shared

Yet my sweet lips,

however tantalized they may be

refuse to dare.

The air wrapped about you

has silenced me

like no other.

I fear the worst.

Not paralyzed lips, no;

for I may loose you all together

This friendship is too dear

to risk with lips.

So I take up my pen to tell you this;

My lips speak your praise

and whisper your name

when all ears are turned away.

The sound of your voice

sends them awry

and causes a great deal of delay.

I cannot use lips

in the telling of my heart.

so I promise you this;

Because your power has

affected me so;

no where will my sweet lips go.

~Desiraé Marks

It makes my heart sing....

I've recently received some of these messages from parents at my school; The Treehouse Nursery. I can't even express how hearing these words gives me a joy, and a reason for going to work everyday!

.....One of his stuffed friends is named "Desirae," which makes Paul and I giggle every time he says it. All his other stuffed friends have names like "pig" and "lion."

dude...florence loves you. she always asks me what you're
doing and where you live. i have to make up little stories about
desirae.

beautiful life, beautiful trusting God

Here are some photos from the last couple weeks at Blossom House - where I have spent the last 9 months of my life first co-teacher, then Lead-teacher, then Manager.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jollygreencar/NewBH#

Here are some photos of the first week of school at The Treehouse Nursery; a preschool I opened (branching off of BH) this last Tuesday the 27th. I'm now the business owner, and Director of an amazingly beautiful preschool! I just saw these photos, and I got so giddy and proud! (Carissa is one of our teachers, and shes a beautiful photographer!)
http://picasaweb.google.com/jollygreencar/TheTreehouseNursery#

My life has completely changed in the last coupe months... and more specifically in the last week.
It's all be completely orchestrated by God, its ridiculous!

I keep wanting to write a blog about this, but ive been, well starting a business instead of writing. ;) Which is beneficial for the business, but a little hard on myself! I'm very excited for this crazy beginning stage to mellow out a bit, and have some more time to create again!
God is good though, and he has been sustaining me beautifully through this!

He gave me this school, and I promise to take care of it (the parents, staff and children) to the best of my ability. And when I fail, I trust that he will step in. He is the sustainer. He is the peace maker.

Its a pitty...

To be inspired and then create nothing from the inspiration.
Tonight my friend Tabitha inspired me a great deal.
Im going to write a poem about the color blue. I cant tell you why really, because it is all too confusing, but I am simply posting this message until my poem is complete. And also to remind myself to write it. :)

I hate the spaghetti Factory

I don't. I don't really have any feelings towards the place what so ever. But Patty however, she thinks its a horrible excuse for pasta.
Patty loves to cook. I love to eat her food.
She also loves to drink.
I have seen Patty drunk before. More appropriately put, 'when have I seen Patty not drunk?".
Honestly, 2pm, 7pm, 2am... doesnt matter - the lady is on a liquid diet.

I came home sick from work on Monday. I puked at the bank, while setting up a buisness account for my new school. Ha. Stomach bug, or nerves? I think a little bit of both.

Anyways, so Im waking up from my nap around 5ish, and Patty rings the door bell. About 12 times, she rings the door bell.
Good night lady!

I open up the door, she busts through yelling 'will you do my hair!?"

"Yeah, sure. Of course. Wait, what do you want me to do with your hair; are you going somewhere? Ah, Patty, when was the last time you showerd?"

"I dont know how to do my hair. I new you could. Damn, your so gorgeous. You dont even know it, look at your hair, its always beautiful."

"Thank you Patty. Where are you going?"

"Its Dustins Birthday, and Beth called me up and said I was invited to the Spaghetti Factory with them tonight. I hate that place. I dont. I cant even. What do I do with my hair?"

I hand her baby powder to soak up the grease thats been there for who knows how long!

After much stumbling around, and scattered talking I get her to sit down on the couch where I put two little braids in the front of her hair.

Then she talked me into going with her.

As Im over at her place, helping her get dressed, zipping up her pants, viewing her DISCUSTINGLY long and ancient looking toenails, and trying to calm her down the phone rings.

"Its for you" She yells from the bedroom.

I pick up the phone, its Beth; Dustins Mother in-Law. Beth is our next door neighbors. Shes Patties best friend. They have lived across the st from each other their whole life.

"Can I ask you a personal questions" Says Beth. "How fucked up is she?"
(i hate that word, im just quoting here people)

"Pretty bad" I said

"Ok she cant come. I was so worried about her yesterday. She lost it. Was bawling all day, and drank so much, it was ridiculous. My daughter, and son in-law cant handle her tonight. Im meeting Dustins parents for the first time. There SUPER religious. Patty cant come"

So I lied to Patty and told her they had gotten the reservation off, and didnt have enough room.

She knew it wasnt the truth.
I have seen Patty drunk before.
But never belligerently drunk. It was scary.
She was screaming. And crying. I found out she had an abortion when she was 14.
She broke plates. Not out of anger, but out of complete incoherency.
She almost broke her back.

I helped her up, and told her we were gonna stay in, and I would make us dinner.
I prepared shirmp scampi. But it came from a package so she wouldnt eat it.
Are you kidding me? It was an amazing organic pasta from trader joes. She lectured me on eating healthy.

I dumped out the rest of her vodka when she wasnt looking.
The lady is a mess.
She is broken.

She lost her sister to cancer 4 months ago.
She lost Brian, her partner 2 months ago. He died suddenly from a heart condition.
Her brother took her mom to Ohio with him 1 month ago.

She has no one.
Well....
She has Beth and her family.
Her 2 collage aged bar tenders that come smoke pot with her. Whom she has tried to hook me up with.
She has her three cats. Nutty Brown (whom has a crush on my kitty Thor), ruff and tuff.
Erick, this redneck (her words) she met at the bar the other day.

That's about it.

And me I suppose.

Lord, help me show her You.
Were not enough.
She needs you, possibly more than ever.
She is depressed, and dosn't know how to cope with these losses.

Shes hilarious. I love Patty. Such a fresh, yet offensive air! :)
She has so much to offer this world with her sense of humor, common sense and love and compassion for people.

But right now, shes not good for anyone. Not even herself.

Take care of her God.
Help me be an extension of you to also take care of her.
Help Beth.
Beth knows you. I pray you will truly help Beth.

That was an awfully night.
Now I hate the spaghetti factory. :)
Mostly, I hate that she is hurting.