Lemon Skewers

"You're a busy girl; getting your house painted and taking out the trash all in one day" The stranger said with a hacking laugh.
"Ha, ya, not much effort on my part with the house; but it sure is looking good! I'm sorry, are you their brother?"
"Hell no. I'm Patties boyfriend. Brian. The brother is in side"
"Oh ok, yeah I knew he was going to be flying into town soon, so he could - well spend some time with Marriane"
"Well, Marriane died yesterday".

...........

And so it began. Prayers rushing through my head. Through my heart.
Questions.
Shock.
Relief.
Sorrow.
Regret.
A desire to comfort.
silence.
affection.

I walked inside passed Brian and the grilling lemon beef skewers on the porch without knocking.

And just hugged her.

"God you smell amazing" Patty exclaimed as playing with my hair.
"I just got out of a Lavender bath"
"Shit, I thought I smelt good. Look at me - I finally showered. But smell me, I don't smell anything like that"

I spend hours there. I could write down so much, but frankly I'd rather keep it closer to my heart than (paper).

What a messed up family. A broken, screwed up piece of work. His piece of work. And they have screwed it up. We have screwed it up. Thats not what Family is suppose to look like.
Still, with so much energy, life and happiness. Still part of the imago Dei; it makes them a beautifully broken people.

Dear God.

The hospital bed was gone. There were actually couches in the living room again. The whole house was 'clean'. It was weird. I miss her.
And I was just getting to know Marriane.

Brian gave me way too much food to eat. It was amazing; a scrumptious Norwegian lemon sauce drizzled over rice and kabobs. Patty gave me frozen zuccine bread, a smoke, pineapple rum, and a cat toy for Thor.

I helped them look for a new house to live in. Well, a trailer. If anyone is selling their 30 ft trailer home for 3,000 bucks let me know - I have a buyer.
They might be loosing their house. Their grandparents built it in the 20's.
If they loose it, if Patty looses it, its because Her brother has sold it, and refused to let her live in a house that is fully paid for, and owed by the family.

Dan loves money. (says Patty)
He went to college.
He has a job.
The only one in the family.
The executor of estate.
Gets to do whatever he wants with mommies things.

So Patty will live in a trailer; with Brain. Whom shes tried to dump 2 months ago.
"The man won't go away. Says he loves me. Hes a good man, he just drinks too much."

I went out on the porch, into the kitchen, in the back room, &c. with Patty.
We followed each other around. Kept on saying how much we liked each other.
We talked. She cried. I tried not to.

God.

She needs a God to let her know their is something. Something.
Something better then what she knows.
She has been living in death.
Death is what Patty has been living, dreaming and breathing the past few months.

God give her life.
I dont want her to go the way Marriane went.
God I miss her. I didnt even know her.

I'm buying Patty Lavender soap tomorrow.

Corporate prob does it just to get a laugh at the smaller man...

Fred Myer's paper bags lead to public displays of embarrassment. Second time now it has ripped open in the st. as I walk home.

Before Its too far past.....

These are things made, experienced, accomplished and thus and so in the summer of 2009.



......I graduated with a BA in Religion (concentration; Pastoral Studies) with some of the best friends ill ever have!
...........................................................................................................................................................



Canned, picked, baked and cooked the summer away....


eh... who am I kidding. Summer is long gone, and this is just way way too much effort to arrange photos that resist being arranged. Dang blog layout.
Anyways, I love summer.... but I am enjoying Fall for the first time in three years now. Therefore revisiting a season that is past seems pointless right now.

So, I shall bask in the beauty of my new city, and to me, this long lost season of Autumn!!

I handed her the cancer stick, and watched her die

Marianne was born in that house, and will die in that house. She says she has two more weeks to live; she can feel it coming to an end.
I heard this for the first time from her drunk sister; through her tears. Her tears and defensive laughter, as we stand on the porch and thank each other for being such amazing neighbors.
Ive just moved into the neighborhood, and tonight a got a beautiful, and painful gimps of what it will look like to be a loving neighbor to these sisters.

Patty, and Marianne, and their little sister (RIP).

They smoke, get cancer, smoke on their death bed and die.
And I?
I help.
I hold the cancer stick to Marianne's mouth and watch her inhale her lethal love.
I lite the cigarette, take a few drags, taste the glorious death and pass it to her. Except she can't hold it, because she has lost all mobility in her limbs.

The cancer started in her lungs. Then moved to her spine and has slowly been demobilizing her. First her legs. Then her neck. Now her arms.
So I bring the fag to her lips and let her inhale.
I lift her arms up to help her stretch. I bring pop to her mouth to quench her thirst. I adjust her pillow to get rid of the pain, and move her hospital bed so she will stop drowning in her film.
She has lost all her Independence, and so she cries. She cries to the stranger in her house because shes so utterly scared. Scared to death.

Marianne asked me for a shot gun, so she could kill herself tonight.

Smoking has never bothered me before. Good friends of mine have smoked, family, men Ive dated; ones I've loved, and love. Never have I asked them to stop. Its their prerogative. Its their body. And its thier decision. I respect them. I love them. No matter what.

Tonight, while I took a drag of the all too familiar Marlboro Light and put it in a dieing woman's mouth; in front of the sweet 7th grade neighbor; I hesitated.
It bothered me for the first time.
I wanted to lie to her and tell her I couldn't find the lighter. I felt wrong. Confused. I was willingly being apart of a murder. A murder that started decades ago. At this point, I'm not apart of anything that hadn't already happened in full force.
Her body has been taken over already. She will die soon. Im now helping ease the pain. Giving her a taste of a familiar comfort.

You know, it wouldn't have been a lie. I couldn't find the lighter in their cluttered house. So that could have been the end of my conflicted thought.
No. Not for me though.
I went next door, unlocked my new house, grabbed some matches and came back to her in her hospital bed, and I lit one up for her. And we shared a cigarette.
Without regret.
But not without sadness.
Not without questions.

"I wish you had moved in two years ago" She says in a haggared voice.
"Why's that?" I ask.
"Because I would have like to have gotten to know you"
"We have all night, I'm not going anywhere until your sister gets back. Tell me about your self"
and so the hours of conversation began.

I left the house having given a cigarette kiss.
That's coming from a woman that has only ever received them before.

I am so deeply moved that I happened to stumbled upon this evening.
I plan on having many more; nights of truth and cigarette kisses.

The square's troubadour. I wake up to him most mornings.

The annual VIDE GRENIER - COURS SEXTIUS - an amazing flea market

My most treasured courtyard. It used to be a mansion of some French Aristocrats - and now serves as apartments.

The view out of my present apartment at about 9am. Thriving market!

Bursting at the seams

I'm moving again tomorrow. I’ve been doing this quite often this summer. Each location Ive been in brings in a new season. And as I said at the beginning of the summer - I am going to embrace each and every one of those seasons.
Some have been much much harder to embrace than others. But complaining about where your at does you no good at all. It dampens your spirits, and then everything looks grey.
I refuse to have a grey life.
Is been beaming with color while I’ve been in Provence, and I bask in the brightness of it!

So tomorrow I wrap up another season, and move to a new apartment. I will remain in the city - but will escape the ruckus a bit - that was talked about in ‘ New Rhythm‘, and for that I am pleased!

Then on Monday the real madness begins! Everything has been escalating to these next two weeks. All the preparation, anticipation and the prayers directed towards the camps will unfold. And God will move.
That is garentueed. He is invited into each and every second of these camps, and He will show up and move deeper then most of us involved will ever know.

I leave for Adventure Youth camp on Monday. Were we will be spending a week with 30 teenagers doing ropes course, white water rafting, caving, canoeing and laser tag, while teaching them about Gods grace through a different parable every night!
Please partner with us in prayer. For safety!
Most of these students don’t know the Lord, and rarely have the opportunity to. Pray that an intimacy with God will take root, and become apart of them for the rest of there life. This is such a crucial time in these kids lives, as they start to deifier through what faith looks like, and how they choose to interact with it and allow to affect their daily lives.

The following Monday is our Kids camp. Aixcalibure! This is the camp I was a counselor for last year - and really is what had me come back to live in Aix this summer. We have about 50 kids coming, and have started to have to waitlist kids! And no, those 50 are not coming from within the church. Most of them again, are kids from the community. Kids at the schools, children of local restaurant owners, anyone we know around town this last month has a child has gotten a flyer!

Let the children come.

Please pray that everyone working this camp will reflect Christ. That connections will be made with families. And that bridges will be built from ICCP to the parents - because many of these parents WILL not step foot in a church. Or publicly call them selves ‘on the fence’ about their faith - but they will bring there kids to camp, and invite 4 other kids to come along as well!
God moves outside the church, and we embrace that during camp!

Then I got back to the states. Not knowing when I will ever return.
God is moving in my heart quite a but the last few days. Sleep hasn’t really been an option - for He has kept me up. Or woken me up after I’ve finally dozed off.
I’m continuing to rest in Him, although its not as natural as it was when I first arrived here. He is sovereign, and I need to walk in that. No need to be anxious - for the God of peace that surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and mind. (Phil 4)

My time here is starting to wrap up - while at the same time It’s bursting at the seams.

Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Just Love

Sometimes we are more in a hurry to save the world than Jesus is. Ministers make the mistake of forcing a 3 point sermon and alter call to get all those lost and dying souls saved and on their way.
I do believe that souls without Christ are lost and dying an eternal death, but one mustn’t forget the importance of walking with someone through life; vs. shoving them out the front door with their new found religion.
Introducing someone to Christ here in France takes time. Not because Jesus is unapproachable to them, but because Christianity is. It’s this way with many people across the globe.
This religious intuition often looks like a cult to them - and is the furthest from what they are looking for. They don’t need another institution to follow and be trapped in - and that’s also not what Christ has set up for us.
Everyone on the face of the earth, young and old is looking for joy and love. Those things can be found in Christ Jesus.
It is therefore our role as followers of Christ to model those elements.
Not just talk about them. But live them.
Give love, and show the eternal Joy that God almighty produces in your life.
This is the most effective way to minister.
Live as Christ lived.

The problem with this is that sometimes, we feel like we aren’t doing our job when we don’t talk about our Jesus. The ministry I am doing in France is very ‘passive’ compared to say, street evangelism. Because that form of ministry would NOT work here, you have to get settled into a city, meet the locals and become apart of the community. This is what I have been doing for the past month. This is what the missionaries I work with have been doing for years.
I have been living life with these people, and constantly praying that my life is reflecting Christ.
The God of peace the transcends ALL understanding will guide your heart and soul (Phil 4)
His peace is evident in my life. I have never felt His peace more then I do right now.

Let me assure you that God is moving in France. Through interactions with the young girl at the café, the man at the local restaurant I visit often, the children I play with on recess, the college students I meet in the pub and on the street, the couple that owns the Italian restaurant, the kids that come to youth, the girl at the local bookstore. He is moving. He is evident.
Amazing conversations are happening with people that would never step foot in a church.
Relationships are being made and nurtured with the love of Christ.
If they wont come to church, then we will go to them, and be a light in their dark world.

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness, Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control.

This is how you show Christ. Embody His fruit. Allow the Spirit to move in and through you.

If you’re a Christian, here’s a question to ask yourself about your relationships with those who don’t know Christ:
Would I love them even if, in the end they didn’t accept my God?

People can tell if they are being used as a project. I encourage every follower of Christ (myself included!) to have unconditional love for ALL. No matter what the end result of your love is.
Just love. For Christ loves those who will accept Him in the end or not.