Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Crying At Work

Ive been sick for the past month or so; but violently ill for the last two weeks. There were times where I got extremely scared. Times where my mom found me collapsed on the bathroom floor, and times; most recently where I feel like I'm aloud to live again!
Im not trying to be overly dramatic. I honestly have been wrecked by the havic my body has been going through. Or perhaps more apropriatly put; the havic the Dr. put me through when she missed diagnosed me and caused me to spread Staph infection all over my body. Staph can be deadly, espcially when gone untreated. So naturally having that much all my body, and for weeks without being treated properly over kinda put me into a haze for quite some time.
Thank God for Moms and Dads to take care of you. Thank God for family Dr.s that actually know their stuff, to finally help me heal!

This is not a post about nasty soars all over my body. Cause that's just disgusting, and I don't want to think about it anymore. This is a post about Romy.

Romy is 2 1/2. I see her 5 days a week at Blossom House Nursery, and we have a deep love and attachment for each other.
Yes, in this photo she is wearing a Ramones t-shirt, paired with my boots. Seriously, one of the funniest kids around! She brightens every room. I stinking adore her.
As I was out sick from my Preschool the past two weeks I was informed that Romy's mom has gotten a job in LA. They are moving this Thursday.

When I came back to work on Monday I walked into the school to see a huge sign, hand painted by 2 yr olds that said "Welcome Back Desirae". I cried a little, but didn't let anyone see it.
I got hugs and kisses from sweet little kids I havent seen for weeks. But I held in the tears.
Although the job can be extremely stressful, and emotionally draining Ive never cried at work before. I wont let myself. Its my job to create a peaceful environment. Its my job. I don't want to cry at my job. I cry enough. I don't need to cry at work.

Today, being Tuesday was my second day back at work, and third day back to life in Portland. I was excited to get back, and thought w/out a dought that I was healing up very quickly. Working from 8-5, going out to Hopworks with Romy and Westons families w. my lead teachers from 5-9, and then going to the Bagdad Pub from 9-12 w/ Lisa, Jess and Karli last night seemed like a great idea. I had tons of energy, and was just so excited to see everyone again, and live life!

Eat, drink and be merry right?

This morning though - my body told me otherwise. I over did it. TOOO much excitement and energy for this sick lady!

After being at work for two hrs, and laying down in a bed upstairs for half that time because I felt so sick again I was sent home by my teachers. :)

As I was finishing up some details in the kitchen Romy came in.
She ran to me, grabbed my leg and screamed "DESIRAE!" I felt the tears come.
"Where are you going!?" She asked with concern
"Hi sweetie! I'm going to go home. Miss Desirae is feeling really sick, and I need to rest" I said while holding onto her and looking into her sweet brown eyes.
"Are you coming back!?"
"Yes hunny, I'll come back tomorrow"
"I love you Desirae."
I started to cry
She then gave me a huge hug that squeezed even more tears out of me.
I pulled away and looked at her, "Romy, I love you too."
"I love you so much." she replied, and then kissed me on my lips.

I lost it.

I was just pridefully telling Jess last night that I had never cried at work.
I have now 100%, no questions asked cried at work. For all to see. Kids, teachers; they all saw Miss Desirae cry today as she said goodbye to the kids and went home.


I love her so much. I can't even express it. Honestly, she reminds me so much of my little cousins its ridiculous.

That moment was beautiful, and I had to share it.
Goodnight all.
May the Lord grant you rest.

2 comments:

Emil said...

i love you so much and cant wait to see you and your staph infected body (I hope that made you smile). So sorry you are dealing with all this love. YOu are so amazing

may, Samantha e. said...

I think you are a wonderful writer, and the conversational style that you've been obtaining...i'm really digging...

love you cupcake!