No Where Will My Sweet Lips Go

A year ago or more now Samantha May (http://www.beautyinherveins.blogspot.com/) and I created a challenge for ourselves. To take a phrase, and both create a poem.

You see, Sam says things that will enrich your soul. So after saying one night in a simple text "No where will my sweet lips go" I asked her to write a poem with that as the foundation, for this stunning phrase deserved more thought and energy than a mere text. She said I should instead. I wanted her to. We argued. It was finally decided for us both to write a poem which included the line.

I think we should do this again quite soon. It was a wonderful challenge.

She so lovingly reminded me of this a few weeks ago. Here's can be found on her site, and my version is here below.

Sam, you enrich my soul and I love you deeply.

..........................................................

This tender secret should not remain

for affection is worthless;

if not shared

Yet my sweet lips,

however tantalized they may be

refuse to dare.

The air wrapped about you

has silenced me

like no other.

I fear the worst.

Not paralyzed lips, no;

for I may loose you all together

This friendship is too dear

to risk with lips.

So I take up my pen to tell you this;

My lips speak your praise

and whisper your name

when all ears are turned away.

The sound of your voice

sends them awry

and causes a great deal of delay.

I cannot use lips

in the telling of my heart.

so I promise you this;

Because your power has

affected me so;

no where will my sweet lips go.

~Desiraé Marks

It makes my heart sing....

I've recently received some of these messages from parents at my school; The Treehouse Nursery. I can't even express how hearing these words gives me a joy, and a reason for going to work everyday!

.....One of his stuffed friends is named "Desirae," which makes Paul and I giggle every time he says it. All his other stuffed friends have names like "pig" and "lion."

dude...florence loves you. she always asks me what you're
doing and where you live. i have to make up little stories about
desirae.

beautiful life, beautiful trusting God

Here are some photos from the last couple weeks at Blossom House - where I have spent the last 9 months of my life first co-teacher, then Lead-teacher, then Manager.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jollygreencar/NewBH#

Here are some photos of the first week of school at The Treehouse Nursery; a preschool I opened (branching off of BH) this last Tuesday the 27th. I'm now the business owner, and Director of an amazingly beautiful preschool! I just saw these photos, and I got so giddy and proud! (Carissa is one of our teachers, and shes a beautiful photographer!)
http://picasaweb.google.com/jollygreencar/TheTreehouseNursery#

My life has completely changed in the last coupe months... and more specifically in the last week.
It's all be completely orchestrated by God, its ridiculous!

I keep wanting to write a blog about this, but ive been, well starting a business instead of writing. ;) Which is beneficial for the business, but a little hard on myself! I'm very excited for this crazy beginning stage to mellow out a bit, and have some more time to create again!
God is good though, and he has been sustaining me beautifully through this!

He gave me this school, and I promise to take care of it (the parents, staff and children) to the best of my ability. And when I fail, I trust that he will step in. He is the sustainer. He is the peace maker.

Its a pitty...

To be inspired and then create nothing from the inspiration.
Tonight my friend Tabitha inspired me a great deal.
Im going to write a poem about the color blue. I cant tell you why really, because it is all too confusing, but I am simply posting this message until my poem is complete. And also to remind myself to write it. :)

I hate the spaghetti Factory

I don't. I don't really have any feelings towards the place what so ever. But Patty however, she thinks its a horrible excuse for pasta.
Patty loves to cook. I love to eat her food.
She also loves to drink.
I have seen Patty drunk before. More appropriately put, 'when have I seen Patty not drunk?".
Honestly, 2pm, 7pm, 2am... doesnt matter - the lady is on a liquid diet.

I came home sick from work on Monday. I puked at the bank, while setting up a buisness account for my new school. Ha. Stomach bug, or nerves? I think a little bit of both.

Anyways, so Im waking up from my nap around 5ish, and Patty rings the door bell. About 12 times, she rings the door bell.
Good night lady!

I open up the door, she busts through yelling 'will you do my hair!?"

"Yeah, sure. Of course. Wait, what do you want me to do with your hair; are you going somewhere? Ah, Patty, when was the last time you showerd?"

"I dont know how to do my hair. I new you could. Damn, your so gorgeous. You dont even know it, look at your hair, its always beautiful."

"Thank you Patty. Where are you going?"

"Its Dustins Birthday, and Beth called me up and said I was invited to the Spaghetti Factory with them tonight. I hate that place. I dont. I cant even. What do I do with my hair?"

I hand her baby powder to soak up the grease thats been there for who knows how long!

After much stumbling around, and scattered talking I get her to sit down on the couch where I put two little braids in the front of her hair.

Then she talked me into going with her.

As Im over at her place, helping her get dressed, zipping up her pants, viewing her DISCUSTINGLY long and ancient looking toenails, and trying to calm her down the phone rings.

"Its for you" She yells from the bedroom.

I pick up the phone, its Beth; Dustins Mother in-Law. Beth is our next door neighbors. Shes Patties best friend. They have lived across the st from each other their whole life.

"Can I ask you a personal questions" Says Beth. "How fucked up is she?"
(i hate that word, im just quoting here people)

"Pretty bad" I said

"Ok she cant come. I was so worried about her yesterday. She lost it. Was bawling all day, and drank so much, it was ridiculous. My daughter, and son in-law cant handle her tonight. Im meeting Dustins parents for the first time. There SUPER religious. Patty cant come"

So I lied to Patty and told her they had gotten the reservation off, and didnt have enough room.

She knew it wasnt the truth.
I have seen Patty drunk before.
But never belligerently drunk. It was scary.
She was screaming. And crying. I found out she had an abortion when she was 14.
She broke plates. Not out of anger, but out of complete incoherency.
She almost broke her back.

I helped her up, and told her we were gonna stay in, and I would make us dinner.
I prepared shirmp scampi. But it came from a package so she wouldnt eat it.
Are you kidding me? It was an amazing organic pasta from trader joes. She lectured me on eating healthy.

I dumped out the rest of her vodka when she wasnt looking.
The lady is a mess.
She is broken.

She lost her sister to cancer 4 months ago.
She lost Brian, her partner 2 months ago. He died suddenly from a heart condition.
Her brother took her mom to Ohio with him 1 month ago.

She has no one.
Well....
She has Beth and her family.
Her 2 collage aged bar tenders that come smoke pot with her. Whom she has tried to hook me up with.
She has her three cats. Nutty Brown (whom has a crush on my kitty Thor), ruff and tuff.
Erick, this redneck (her words) she met at the bar the other day.

That's about it.

And me I suppose.

Lord, help me show her You.
Were not enough.
She needs you, possibly more than ever.
She is depressed, and dosn't know how to cope with these losses.

Shes hilarious. I love Patty. Such a fresh, yet offensive air! :)
She has so much to offer this world with her sense of humor, common sense and love and compassion for people.

But right now, shes not good for anyone. Not even herself.

Take care of her God.
Help me be an extension of you to also take care of her.
Help Beth.
Beth knows you. I pray you will truly help Beth.

That was an awfully night.
Now I hate the spaghetti factory. :)
Mostly, I hate that she is hurting.

Crying At Work

Ive been sick for the past month or so; but violently ill for the last two weeks. There were times where I got extremely scared. Times where my mom found me collapsed on the bathroom floor, and times; most recently where I feel like I'm aloud to live again!
Im not trying to be overly dramatic. I honestly have been wrecked by the havic my body has been going through. Or perhaps more apropriatly put; the havic the Dr. put me through when she missed diagnosed me and caused me to spread Staph infection all over my body. Staph can be deadly, espcially when gone untreated. So naturally having that much all my body, and for weeks without being treated properly over kinda put me into a haze for quite some time.
Thank God for Moms and Dads to take care of you. Thank God for family Dr.s that actually know their stuff, to finally help me heal!

This is not a post about nasty soars all over my body. Cause that's just disgusting, and I don't want to think about it anymore. This is a post about Romy.

Romy is 2 1/2. I see her 5 days a week at Blossom House Nursery, and we have a deep love and attachment for each other.
Yes, in this photo she is wearing a Ramones t-shirt, paired with my boots. Seriously, one of the funniest kids around! She brightens every room. I stinking adore her.
As I was out sick from my Preschool the past two weeks I was informed that Romy's mom has gotten a job in LA. They are moving this Thursday.

When I came back to work on Monday I walked into the school to see a huge sign, hand painted by 2 yr olds that said "Welcome Back Desirae". I cried a little, but didn't let anyone see it.
I got hugs and kisses from sweet little kids I havent seen for weeks. But I held in the tears.
Although the job can be extremely stressful, and emotionally draining Ive never cried at work before. I wont let myself. Its my job to create a peaceful environment. Its my job. I don't want to cry at my job. I cry enough. I don't need to cry at work.

Today, being Tuesday was my second day back at work, and third day back to life in Portland. I was excited to get back, and thought w/out a dought that I was healing up very quickly. Working from 8-5, going out to Hopworks with Romy and Westons families w. my lead teachers from 5-9, and then going to the Bagdad Pub from 9-12 w/ Lisa, Jess and Karli last night seemed like a great idea. I had tons of energy, and was just so excited to see everyone again, and live life!

Eat, drink and be merry right?

This morning though - my body told me otherwise. I over did it. TOOO much excitement and energy for this sick lady!

After being at work for two hrs, and laying down in a bed upstairs for half that time because I felt so sick again I was sent home by my teachers. :)

As I was finishing up some details in the kitchen Romy came in.
She ran to me, grabbed my leg and screamed "DESIRAE!" I felt the tears come.
"Where are you going!?" She asked with concern
"Hi sweetie! I'm going to go home. Miss Desirae is feeling really sick, and I need to rest" I said while holding onto her and looking into her sweet brown eyes.
"Are you coming back!?"
"Yes hunny, I'll come back tomorrow"
"I love you Desirae."
I started to cry
She then gave me a huge hug that squeezed even more tears out of me.
I pulled away and looked at her, "Romy, I love you too."
"I love you so much." she replied, and then kissed me on my lips.

I lost it.

I was just pridefully telling Jess last night that I had never cried at work.
I have now 100%, no questions asked cried at work. For all to see. Kids, teachers; they all saw Miss Desirae cry today as she said goodbye to the kids and went home.


I love her so much. I can't even express it. Honestly, she reminds me so much of my little cousins its ridiculous.

That moment was beautiful, and I had to share it.
Goodnight all.
May the Lord grant you rest.

I found a beautiful Photographer

http://www.ashleymaxwellphoto.com/index2.php

She did a friend of a friends wedding recently... She captures just the look and style I love. I fell in love with the south this past summer. The music, the BBQs, the trees, the picnics, the fireflies, the country... Its beautiful. Quite like a dream. That's def not all she does. She does many things apart from capturing things found in the deep South, but I fell in love with her work because of the southern feel to some of her photos I stumbled upon....

I'm healing. It hurts. But rawness only leads to newness if cared for properly. So I'm embracing this pain; knowing it will lead to life.

Tonight...

Someone I've just met said "I love your laugh, it makes me want to meet an angel". And he was full of laughter all night, you could tell he really treasured it.
This made me feel wonderful.